My Brothers

Hi, my name is Dan and I’m a recovering addict to pornography.  As I’ve attended ARP Pornography Addiction Support Group (PASG, pronounced “passage”) meetings, I’ve come to love the other men who have this addiction as my brothers.  My heart opens up to them and I want them all to feel the hope and healing that I have felt (and feel) as I repent and work toward recovery.  I have a friend who refers to the men attending PASG meetings as “The Brotherhood of Paul and Alma”.  I really like that term because both Paul and Alma were going around seeking to destroy the Lord’s church on the earth when they were young.  Both of them had miraculous experiences which turned their hearts.  They both considered themselves to be vile sinners before they turned to the Lord, sought forgiveness, and followed Jesus Christ.  For the remainder of their lives, they were ardent supporters and preachers of righteousness.  Their examples give me hope that I can be as steadfast as they were and that all my brothers in the PASG meetings (and those who don’t attend) can too.  Paul and Alma are my brothers.

As I study and read the scriptures, I do it with a new perspective, that of a recovering addict, and I’ve found other men in the scriptures that were like Paul and Alma.  The sons of Mosiah (Ammon, Aaron, Omner, and Himni) were Alma’s buddies and partners in crime.  They went about trying to destroy the church (Mosiah 27:10).  But like Alma, they were converted, stayed faithful, and were amazing builders in the Lord’s kingdom.  I like to think of them as addicts.  In Mosiah 27:8,11, it describes Alma and (by association) the sons of Mosiah as idolatrous men and that “they were going about rebelling against God”.  I think that idolatry can be applied to anything to which we put a higher priority than God.  So for me, pornography is idolatry.  If I choose to act out in my addiction, then I’m being idolatrous and I’m rebelling against God.  In that sense, I feel a strong kinship with the sons of Mosiah.  But they repented and changed.  They stayed faithful until the end of their lives and brought to pass much righteousness.  Ammon, Aaron, Omner, and Himni are my brothers.

Next I discovered that Amulek was also an “addict”.  In Alma 10:4-5, Amulek says “I have seen much of [the Lord’s] mysteries and marvelous power … nevertheless, I did harden my heart, for I was called many times and I would not hear … therefore I went on rebelling against God”.  There it is again, he was rebelling against God despite what he knew.  In Alma 10:4, he describes himself as “a man of no small reputation” with “many kindreds and friends” and having “much riches by the hand of my industry”.  It could be said that Amulek was also idolatrous because he put his reputation and riches ahead of God.   But Amulek also changed and despite losing everything including his family, he stayed faithful to the end (Alma 14, & 15:18).  Amulek is my brother.  

Then there’s Zeezrom.  Zeezrom is often portrayed in Sunday School classes as the bad guy trying to foil and tempt Alma and Amulek.  But that’s just the beginning of Zeezrom’s story!  Sunday School teachers often skip over the fact that in Alma 12, Zeezrom began to genuinely ask questions, not because he wanted to trip Alma and Amulek up in their words, but because he really felt the Spirit and wanted to know.  Zeezrom's "soul began to be harrowed up udner a consciousness of his own guilt" and "he began to be encircled about by the pains of hell" (Alma 14:6) because of his sins.  Zeezrom was thrown out of Ammonihah with the rest of the believing men and subsequently lost everything, including his family, just like Amulek.  Zeezrom is my brother.

Corianton was Alma’s youngest son and I’m so thankful for him because his example is one that hits very close to home.  Corianton had a sex addiction.  He went “after the harlot Isabel” and had to be called to repentance.  Alma’s counsel to Corianton in Alma 39 was put there for all of us who struggle with sexual addictions.  Alma doesn’t sugar coat his words in counseling Corianton, he lays it out bluntly.  But the greatest part is that there was hope for Corianton.  He COULD repent.  He DID repent.  And he stayed faithful presumably to the end (Alma 63:10).  Corianton is my brother.

I have so much more to say along these lines, but that is for another blog post.  The message of this blog post is that there HOPE.  There is hope that I can be forgiven of my sins.  There is hope that I can be delivered from my addictions.  There is hope that my weaknesses can be turned into strengths.  When I study the scriptures, I find hope because others have trod similar paths to mine.  They found hope and they stayed faithful to the end despite the fact that some of them suffered heavy losses on their journeys to recovery.  They worked mighty miracles when they gave their wills over to the Lord.  If I turn my will over to the Lord and follow the examples of my brothers in the scriptures, I can stay faithful to the end as well and so can all my modern day brothers who struggle as I do.  I love you my brothers.