The Lord's Train

Hi, my name is Dan.  This past summer, we took a trip to the zoo as a family.  Our almost 2 year old son loves cars and trains so we thought that he would have fun riding on the train.  As we waited in line, he babbled excitedly about the train while pointing at it saying "Car-car!".  But when it actually came time to get on the train, he balked.  I sat him on my lap, but he just screamed in fear and tried to get away from me and off the train.  I spoke gently to him and tried to calm him, but he wasn't interested in riding the train.  Finally, after a few minutes the train whistle blew and the train started to move forward.  Almost immediately, he calmed down and began enjoying himself. 

For most of my life, I've tried to dictate to the Lord my terms for repentance.  I would tell Him in my prayers that I would stop acting out in my pornography addiction if He would just do such and such thing.  Or if He would just take the addiction from me, then everything would be fine.  Of course, this partial willingness to change was unacceptable to the Lord.  I was not being humble and was trying to do things my way.  Of course my way doesn't work.  I am an imperfect man with very limited knowledge and understanding.  I was trying to tell the Lord how to run His train.

I finally came to the realization that the path I was taking led only to frustration, misery, and repeated failure to abstain.  But once I was humbled enough to get on the Lord's train and try things His way, I realized that the ride was actually enjoyable.  It wasn't easy, and still isn't but it is easier to deal with than trying to run things myself.  Plus, the Lord tells me exactly what I need to do through promptings of the Holy Ghost.  He shows me the way and that it is possible to have what I've wanted, freedom from the effects of my addiction.  I just have to do things in His way. 

To me this is a moment by moment exercise in step three, turning my will and life over to the God the Eternal Father and His Son, Jesus Christ.  King Benjamin said, "And moreover, I say unto you, that there shall be no other name given nor any other way nor means whereby salvation can come unto the children of men, only in and through the name of Christ, the Lord Omnipotent (Mosiah 3:17)".