I was finished up with with work on a project and decided to return to the office and take a less used back road rather than the better maintained main road. As I approached a large ravine I could see that the dirt road was mostly washed out and impassable at the bottom. Realizing I needed to turn around and take the main road after all, I identified a spot ahead of me where I would have enough space to maneuver and reverse course. Directly in front of me was (what looked to me) a small washout which my company truck could easily cross. I began to move the vehicle forward when the front passenger wheel dropped sharply and I ceased to move forward. The "small" washout was larger and deeper than I had anticipated and four wheel drive could not move me forward or backward. I was stuck.
I said a quick prayer asking Heavenly Father to help me ge out and the first thought which came to my mind was to walk the two or three miles back to the project location where others were still working and ask for help. I dismissed this and decided I didn't have to bother anyone and could probably get myself out. I got my shovel and began trying to dig the truck out. After considerable effort, I realized that the front skid plate was hung up on a hidden rock. The thought occurred to me that I had literally hit rock bottom. The way the vehicle was balanced gave me absolutely no meaningful traction and each attempt to move the car resulted in me literally spinning my wheels.
I remembered E. Bednar's talk about an increased load giving traction so I tried to place as many large rocks in the back of the truck to bring the spinning wheels back into contact with the ground. But I couldn't find enough rocks to make a meaningful difference. I then figured I could use the jack to lift the lowest part of the vehicle and lower the free spinning wheels, but when I opened the compartment that should hold the jack and tools, it was empty.
After two hours of digging and moving rocks in the hot summer sun, I was exhausted and out of options. So I said another prayer asking for help. In the exact way as before, the prompting came to me that I should walk back and ask for help. Humbled and realizing that I should have just done that in the first place, I packed some water in my backpack and started hiking.
The walk gave me time to ponder my situation. I didn't follow the initial prompting because of my pride. I didn't want to show others my inadequacies or foolishness at getting stuck. I didn't want to feel embarrassed that I didn't try any of the several other options I had to get myself out. I didn't want others to think I was giving up, or unprepared, or incompetent. It was fear and pride which kept me from following a spiritual prompting.
Then my thoughts turned to another time I had hit "rock bottom". Though now in recovery, my addiction to pornography brought me to a similar point spiritually. For years, nothing I tried on my own could give me much sobriety. Simply praying and suffering by myself was as effective as fruitlessly digging and spinning my wheels. All the promptings I received as answers to those prayers were essentially the same: confess and ask for help. But my fear and pride got in the way then too. I was afraid of what people would think, what they would say. I was afraid of losing my wife and children. I was afraid of what it would take and how hard it would be to confess and repent. But I reached a point where I knew I had no other options. A point where the pain of the addiction was more than the pain of the healing. That's when I confessed to my wife and my bishop and began attending 12 Step Addiction Recovery meetings sponsored by LDS Family Services.
Through the Addiction Recovery Program, I learned how to truly repent and access the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I finally found the relief and healing I needed by looking outside of myself, letting go of my pride and asking for help.
Now in strong recovery, I still study and apply the principles of the 12 Steps to my daily life. I enjoy the companionship of the Holy Ghost and a life of greater peace and happiness than ever before. Through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, I feel greater love for my Savior, others, and myself.
Before long, I arrived back at the work site and was able to find someone with a tow chain and truck who could pull my vehicle out of the ditch. Within 15 minutes I was on the road again moving toward my physical destination and rejoicing in the spiritual lessons this experience taught me.
